If I were ever to meet the SOB who invented "the meeting", I refuse to take responsibility for my actions. No need to even ask if it is worth going to jail for. I would willingly become Natalie's ho for 20 to life, just for the privilege of permanently erasing the smile off that man's dial.
And yes, of course it was a man who invented this formal waste of time together with the torture chamber we lovingly refer to as the boardroom. In fact, we are probably talking about the same moron who has men worldwide donning a noose every morning and calling it formal work attire.
Case in point, the weekly project update/scheduling type of meeting: "So, lets see what we scheduled last week, what we did and/or did not do, why we did and/or did not do it and how we can do it and/or not do it again this week or even next”. Just the shuffling of what was important last week with what was clearly over-scheduled for this week is mind-numbing. We didn't get it remotely right last week, so what makes us think it's gonna work this week?
To be totally honest, I have been privy to these type of meetings for a good while now (STFU!) and in various different capacities. I have yet to see it work, even 80% of the time for 80% of the people being scheduled. I'm not saying you shouldn't plan what you ought to be working on from day to day. Just that a schedule tends to be as constant as the colour of a chameleon walking slowly over a smartie box. And it is really hard work for the poor sucker who gets to maintain it.
And then come the softer, people skills. Management want this and the business dictates that and we should all work together toward the greater good of humanity ... Rrrrrrrrrip. No wait, just a larger bottom line for the shareholders will suffice, thank you very much. Not to mention that we should all feel a sense of self-satisfaction from learning new skills and broadening our own understanding of the the business at large.
But then comes my favourite part ... talk of renumeration and/or incentives. Now, suffice it to say that I enjoy these discussions about as much as listening to what my uncle was doing about the strange rash he developed under his left armpit. Mind you, mum will still insists on telling the story. Same with incentive management ... you know about it and it's punted to you with more enthusiasm than is experienced in kindergarten around story-time. But somewhere along the line the message is lost in translation ... mostly at the part where you have to work your butt off and sell your soul to the devil (again) to achieve said incentive. Just a rough guess though, you tell me!
On the upside, these meetings make me feel like a kid again! Pinky swear!
They really make me want to cry like a two-year old!
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